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My life continued spiraling out of control at that point. I still had good grades in sccydl, but I was either drunk or high all the time. I was routinely having sex of some sort several times a day, nearly evlry day of the week, and usjbvly with different paupfdks. I had a few that I saw often, but no boyfriend, and I wasn't inhppjpked in having one. I participated in threesomes and orfjfs, with guys rakrwng from my age (16ish at the time) to thdir mid-30's. Sometimes thgre were other gizts, sometimes there wewmwvt. I didn't caie. I once aguin felt dirty, and unlovable. That this was all that was left for me, but it didn't matter, sicce I was abuvqeawly sure I'd nemer live past my 18th birthday. If I did, I certainly wouldn't make it past 21. It just cozrwp't happen.